“He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.”Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
It was a gloomy day. The weather was gray and as it is I was not in my brightest dealing with the crowd at the only small shop of our college just for a cup of tasteless coffee had to pet my irritation. I looked over my shoulders, my eyes searching for a certain friend whom I asked to wait before we both headed for the class but I found her.
She is my batchmate, someone I pain-strikingly crush on from friendzone. She was everything that I lacked and truth to be told no matter how flimy it sounds she was the epitome of what I call perfection.
For a minute, even amidst the angry crowded college students screaming and rushing the shopkeeper to attend to their demands I found myself in an abyss of peace; watching her smile brightly while talking to her friends.
How she put away her hair locks behind her ears to it falling back in its place, how her dimples made themselves visible every time she smiled and how the small mole on her slender neck always got my attention – everything seems to enthrall me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a pervert!
While I was living in my own cloud nine with thoughts of her, suddenly her eyes fell on me.
My heart skipped a beat.
She smiled and waved and mouthed the words,’ let’s head back to class together!’
And just when I didn’t contemplate that my day could get any better it started to rain, the exact moment I squeezed myself out from the shop. I looked up at the sky but felt a soft hand clutch my arm and pull me under a butterfly printed umbrella.
“Shit! your coffee is wasted”, she said looking at me with her round eyes up so close that I could clearly see her dilated iris.
Coffee? Does that even matter?
My heartbeat was fast, even though the weather was cold I doubted I was sweating from all the tension of her being so close to me under her umbrella which I was holding, have I never felt more glad to be the tall one!
We never reached the class that day. I don’t recall how we ended up on the roof – talking and sharing all about our lives to making her laugh at my pathetic jokes. Me being astounded by the fact that her voice was purely melodious in contrast to my barely off-tune cracked voice and her being worried that her hand was so small compared to mine. We walked in the rain synchronizing our footsteps laughing as she complained how long my every step was to me matching her pace; it was one of the best days of my life!
Walking her back to her hostel I decided to muster up all my courage and asked,” Can you help me with something?”
“Yeah, what is it?”, she said and stared back in confusion and all I could do was gape at her like a dying fish.
Clearing my eyes I looked up at the sky wanting to avoid her eyes and confessed,” I like this girl; though I met her just a few weeks ago. I watch her from afar and I know it’s more than just a crush. We do talk at times, share a smile. But I am really afraid that my confession will mess up our friendship if she thought otherwise. What should I do?”
“Ohh, well… (she puts her hand at the back of her neck and looked everywhere but me, did I mess up already?)..umm…are you sure about it?”, she said, looking distant. Her voice was barely audible. I did mess up!
“Well, she is the one controlling my sanity,” I uttered without thinking and her looks fell. Shit! But then she smiled, a slow pained smile.
“Tell her. If she says ‘yes’, you will have the world and if a ‘no’ then you won’t regret letting go, trust me.”
“An one hundred and one percent” she grinned and turned away.
“I love you”
She stopped in her tracks. Her body was stiff and slowly she turned to face me back again. Her sad smile was now full, complete. She held her hands near her chest as if her heart skipped a beat and I knew my answer.